oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
