You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't tell me you're on acid again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
