Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
