i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
