the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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