can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
