you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
