I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
