Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
