So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
