yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
