Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
