Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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