I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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