i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
