obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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