6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
