You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
