Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
