What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
