he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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