I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
