it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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