i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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