Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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