found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
