Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
