that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
