There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
