dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
