at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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