You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
