just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
