Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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