hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
