theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
