I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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