It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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