if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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