Whod you bang
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
