am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
