I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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