Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
