My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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