So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
