just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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