All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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