My first STD was from a foam party
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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