If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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