yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
