The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
