I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
