maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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