Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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